


Kemi, September 19th, 2006

by ChristianHowe



Series: Revontulet [19]
Category: Sonata Arctica
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 18:23:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11236629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChristianHowe/pseuds/ChristianHowe
Summary: Jani hits rock bottom once again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note: The band members I write about are not related to the real ones.
> 
> Disclaimer: Not mine and, thank g*d, not true.
> 
> Warning for suicide attempt.
> 
> Thank you, Helena Snow-Renn for beta and so much more! ♥

When Pirre enters the house, the guys are gone. She'll have the place to herself today and most likely tonight, too, since Ella will insist on staying with her cousin where Pirre has just taken her: Janne and Miia Paasikoski's son is two months younger than Ella and the two children are thick as thieves.

Pirre's plan for the day is to go through their cupboards. Winter is coming and it's time to dig out the warm clothes. Ella is going to need new things, she grows like a weed, but Pirre hopes that most of her own stuff will still fit. Tommi will take care of himself, just like he always does.

The thought of her husband makes her smile. When Sonata Arctica aren't on tour, she's sometimes almost jealous because Tommi spends so much time with Ella when he's home. She isn't really jealous, of course, and unlike some of her married friends' husbands who also spend time with their children, Tommi doesn't 'return' Ella to Pirre when she's cranky, and he always contributes his share of the housework.

Right, housework. Winter clothing. But first, a nice cup of coffee.

Fifteen minutes later, she's sitting in the living room with a large mug of hot, dark, sinful delight, browsing through the ads in the local paper. Few children's winter clothes are on sale, of course, as every child in town needs them, but there are a couple of things she'll check out.

Closing her eyes as she enjoys the scent of the freshly-brewed java, her ears perk up when there's a rattling noise coming from the hall. It sounds like the letter slot in the front door but it's too early for the mailwoman.

Curiosity wins over inertia and she puts down her mug to see what's going on. There's a folded piece of paper on the floor that she picks up. It's a short note signed by Jani, which surprises her because he should be with the rest of the band at the resort where they've rented space for two weeks to rehearse in seclusion. A second later, her surprise turns into alarm when she reads the note:

>   
>  _Pirre,_  
>  _I can't take this anymore, and I can't mess up your life with mine again._  
>  _I'll always love you._  
>  _Yours forever,_  
>  _Jani_  
> 

It's wrong. She doesn't know exactly what this means – yet. It could be read as a suicide note, but that can't be, right? Given that it's Jani, however, anything is possible, and whatever it is it's probably not good.

Well, she'll find out. It's only been a few seconds since the note was dropped.

When she opens the front door, Jani is standing on the garden path with his back to her, drinking from a bottle that she recognises as the cheapest vodka currently available from Alko. He turns around when he hears her approach and his eyes widen with surprise.

"What... are you doing here?"

"I live here," Pirre replies. "What are _you_ doing here?" She doesn't only mean why he's here but literally what he's doing. For the moment, she's relieved to see that there doesn't appear to be an imminent disaster looming, so she decides to play along. Jani doesn't answer her question, though.

"No, you can't be here. There's no car..."

"Make's car is with Make and Tommi at the resort." She doesn't point out to him that that's where he should be, too. "Ours is with Janne for winter tyres." Marko's brother is a car mechanic.

"Oh." Jani looks confused and Pirre repeats her question. "So what are you doing here?" When he still doesn't answer, she presses on, "And what's this," she points at the note, "about?"

"That," Jani says, "is me. Pathetic, huh? Just ignore it. Forget that I was here." He doesn't meet her eyes. "Or better, forget that I ever existed."

Pathetic describes it well, but Pirre has a bad feeling that there's more to this. "Why don't you come in?" she asks. "I've just made coffee and it's been a while since we talked."

"Um, no," he replies, still not looking at her. "I've got... places to be..."

"Places, like the resort?" Tommi hadn't mentioned anything about Jani riding with them. Since she doesn't think he'd go with Toni, she'd assumed that Henrik would give him a lift. Tommi and Marko had left hours ago, though, and she'd understood that they planned to arrive early to set up their gear. Recently, everybody keeps complaining about Jani being unreliable, so maybe he's missed his ride. "Aren't you a little late?"

At first, she feels rewarded when he cringes, but the feeling doesn't last long. There's something seriously wrong here and when Jani announces that he'll just go, she knows that she can't let him leave.

"Not before you've told me what's going on," she tells him. "Come on, we're friends and I have yet to see you decline coffee." She winks at him. "I'm not going to bite. If you've missed your ride, I can give you a lift later when Janne returns the car." She holds out her hand to him with a smile.

To her surprise, he flinches back – and stumbles over his own feet so he falls and lands on his butt. "Vittu!"

He must be drunker than she thought. "That settles it. You're not going anywhere."

"No, you don't understand," Jani still doesn't look at her while he struggles to get back on his feet. "I've gotta go now."

"Then let me call you a taxi." He stiffens at the suggestion and Pirre remembers that he has no money. "Or Jenni," she raises her hand when Jani opens his mouth to refuse. "I know. I'm aware that she has to work, but if she lends me her car, I can drive you."

"She won't lend you her car," Jani whispers and slumps back on the ground. "Not if you want to borrow it on my behalf. She's... thrown me out. Ended things."

Now Pirre wants to swear, too. Living with a small child has taught her to curb her impulse to do so, but if there ever was a situation when a curse would be welcome it's this. Jenni is – was – the single stabilising factor left in Jani's life after he withdrew from Marko, Tommi, and her.

"Come on," she repeats. She seizes his hand and pulls him to his feet. He doesn't resist her when she leads him to the house. All fight has left and he looks resigned, deflated. Inside, they kick off their shoes and she nudges him toward the living room while he takes off his jacket. When she's about to hang it on a peg in the hall, trying to put the vodka bottle in one of the jacket pockets, something falls from it.

Crouching down to pick it up, Pirre finally understands what the note is about. Her initial suspicion at reading it is confirmed as she stares at the empty blister pack in her hand that has 'Sonata' stamped on it.

For the first time in her life, Pirre feels that the expression of having one's insides turn to ice can actually happen in reality. At least that's what it feels like right now. Even when Jani had put his hand on the sauna stove a few months ago it hadn't been like this. Back then, she's convinced it was a panic reaction, a temporary moment of insanity that made him burn his hand to get out of touring.

This time, it must be deliberate, as her suddenly very calm brain suggests. Sonata is the brand name – and they've often laughed about this – of a strong non-benzo sedative hypnotic. Sleeping pills. These aren't something one can pick up at any street corner. This type of drug requires a prescription, which means that planning had to be involved on Jani's part to get hold of it.

No, this isn't a short-circuit reaction; this is deliberate. Regardless of how much Pirre's mind balks to call it by its name, this is a suicide attempt, and if not for her car being with Janne, she wouldn't have caught it in time...

_In time._

Pirre drops the jacket and storms to the living room.

"How many of these did you take and when?"


	2. Chapter 2

When she storms into the living room, Jani flinches and immediately averts his eyes. He mutters, "I'm leaving," and stumbles up from the couch where he sat down less than a minute earlier.

Pirre sees red. 

She considers herself an even-keeled person. Living with Jani has pushed her patience more than once in the past, but she's learned to handle him. Now, however, even she's reaching her limit.

"You're not going anywhere," she tells him in a sharp voice. "Look at you. You can barely stand on your own feet, let alone walk!"

It's true: even as he's just standing in the room with hunched shoulders, still avoiding her eyes, he's swaying precariously.

"But since you're obviously not intending to answer me, I won't force you to," Pirre continues. She picks up her phone. "I'm calling an ambulance. You can talk to a doctor or shrink or nobody at all, as you choose, after they pump your stomach and lock you away for your own safety."

Jani stares at her. "You can't do that."

"Watch me."

She begins to dial, then covers the microphone as she waits for the line to be answered. "How many and when?" she asks him again. "Last chance."

"All of them, five minutes ago, outside before I left the note..."

_"Hei, this is Tommi."_

Pirre nods at Jani to acknowledge his reply – and then she can't stop herself from smiling when she hears her husband's voice on the phone. "Hei, it's me. I'm just calling to let you know that Jani can't make it today. He's sick."

There's a sigh on the other end of the line. "We were wondering if he'd show up. Well, at least he let someone know. Any idea how long he'll be down?"

"He didn't sound good," Pirre says. It isn't a lie. "I don't know how bad it is. I'll tell him to be in touch."

"Tell him to get better," Tommi replies. "And I love you."

"I will, and the same to you."

She ends the call but doesn't get to deliver the good wishes when Jani explodes before she can even open her mouth.

"You tricked me! You lied to me!"

"Not exactly, no. We're not done yet. I just took care of excusing you from band duty first." Pirre's momentarily good mood after hearing Tommi's voice immediately evaporates again. "But unless you do what you're told to do I'm still calling the hospital. Come on, it's time to puke."

She takes his arm and frog-marches him to the bathroom. He's trying to resist at first, but is too drunk to put up a real fight. Pirre points at the toilet. "You know what to do."

Jani stares at her and at the phone she still has in her hand. Pirre isn't sure whether he doesn't understand what he's supposed to do or if it's just his usual pigheadedness that stops him from following her order. She doesn't intend to wait and find out, though: although she doesn't think that the pills will actually kill him, what with the alcohol she isn't going to take any chances.

"Your finger or mine," she tells him. "Your choice."

If looks could kill, she'd drop dead on the spot. "I hate you," Jani spits out before he bends over the toilet bowl and gets down to business.

"Fine," Pirre snaps back. "But in order to do that you need to be alive."

Jani doesn't reply; he's too busy vomiting. Good. She decides to leave him alone for now. Although it's by far not the first time she's seen him puke – he's a Finnish metal musician whose teen years were spent in her household – she thinks that he deserves some privacy to maybe save him a shred of his dignity, regardless of how stupid he was by downing the pills. At least she's confident that his stupidity ends there and that he won't collect the half-digested pills from the puddle of vomit to swallow them again like the character in Trainspotting did.

Well, OK, Renton didn't swallow that pill again after puking it up, but after... Pirre pushes the thought aside – who cares about the details anyway? – and repairs to the kitchen. She invited Jani for coffee, which he declined, but now he'll have some whether he wants it or not: Black and twice as strong as usual, to take care of any residuals of the pills and alcohol.

Not bothering with the French press she normally uses, Pirre switches the percolator on and returns to the bathroom where Jani has meanwhile stopped vomiting. The look he gives her when she enters is anything but friendly. Smoldering rage greets her from blood-shot eyes in a pale, puffy face. No, he isn't a happy camper. Pirre couldn't care less. She's beyond mad at him.

"Here, clean yourself up," she says curtly when she hands him a towel. He throws some water on his face, then wipes it dry with shaking hands. Without further talking to him, she indicates that he should follow her to the kitchen. Apparently, Jani has given up on resisting and he sits down almost meekly and empties the two large cups of coffee she puts in front of him.

Neither of them says a word while they're in the kitchen. Pirre hands him his jacket and announces that they're going for a walk. Jani casts down his eyes before he does as he's bidden, puts on his shoes and jacket, then follows her as they walk aimlessly around the neighbourhood for an hour until Pirre thinks that by now, even if there are any remainders of the drugs in his system, they won't do belated harm.

They've walked in cold silence until Pirre leads him back to her home. That's when he suggests almost shyly that he shouldn't be here. She challenges him as to where he'd go since he's made it clear that he no longer has a home with Jenni. He has no reply to that.

"Guest room," she declares after they've entered the house.

Again, Jani doesn't look at her, but he takes off in the direction of the room and makes sure to shut the door with enough force for her to feel his hurt but so that she can't accuse him of slamming it.

He could have saved himself the trouble. Oh yes, he's pissed, a blind man could see that, but Pirre still prefers angry Jani over deeply-depressed Jani – as long as he's so angry at her, she's no longer afraid that he'll try to kill himself. Given his past and the sauna stove incident a few months ago, he may still end up with minor self-inflicted cuts or burn wounds, but right now he's mad at her and not so much at himself. If that's what it takes, she can live with it.

Or so she believes until she sits down to think this through. For the first time since she's met Jani, and after all they've been through together, Pirre doesn't know what to do. There is, however, one person who might shed some more light on what's going on with him and who could maybe even help her find a solution to this mess.

Jani won't appreciate it but Pirre is beyond caring about whether or not he approves of her actions when she dials Jenni's number.

"Hei, this is Pirre. We need to talk..."


End file.
